What is this season called Christmas? What has become of it? It all holds meaning for us in different ways.  My Christmas message may feel like a thunder bolt to some.  I'm good at delivering them and they come from a place of love actually - love of creation, love of the Earth and through the earth they come, through me to anyone who can receive them.

This year has been largely a year of meditation.  It wasn't a conscious choice to me for it to be that way.  It was a fight for survival, to live and not die.  I am honest, true and open because I know what secrets do.

Christmas day for me and in the past leaves me wanting to leave the Earth, to make myself invisible and to not exist.  I've come through this many times.  I'm proficient at it and the last thing I need or want is sympathy or advice.  I know who I am and those closest to me 'see' who I am.  They see my courage, strength, tenacity and wisdom.

I'm also small and vulnerable and have had a tendency to rage and anger.  It has been a passionate fuel that I have sought to put to good use.  There is good reason why it is there, not that I am seeking to excuse it any way. 

Some misunderstand.  I let this kind of thing go regularly.  It's ok.  I am used to it.  I have had to ponder a suggestion to not put my energy out to cause scattering, however, what I feel coming through the earth to me to share this day, may cause some scattering if we choose to be honest and to take response ability for the wellbeing of ourselves, our planet and little children and babies.

I feel the Earth energies strongly and I feel the effects of the governing programs that are in need of releasing.  I seek to release some with this writing.  So while people are listening to songs of adultery (e.g, mummy kissing Santa under the mistletoe and how would daddy respond - and how does this song program a young child's mind?)  No amount of tinsel, sparkle and fake shine covers the misery generated by it.

What's more, it ends up in the bellies of the fish of our oceans and then humanity cries when they can't fish from it any more.  I was invited by friends to share Christmas food, but graciously declined.  I had dedicated myself to be with Papatuanuku (Earth Mother) as I feel the separation she feels during one of the greatest times of illusion or fakery there is that comes around year after year, in Western culture.

In Western culture of greed, capitalism, self gratification, coveting, competing, insanity still has a hold.  Other cultures are busy trying to save their forests from it all at the same time.  

Many people pretend.  Many families bear with one another as hidden under a sea of pain, secrets seek to come into consciousness to free them, but then there is the alcohol, the spliffs, the technology, the toys and any number of distractions there to keep it alive in secrecy.

While it is lost in secrecy, many children are suffering from incest, from paedophilia, from inappropriate and predatory touch and adults are programmed and oblivious and unable to help it to stop.  Yes, I speak a little from my experience and from not being able to put together fragments of memory that rise at this time of year.

Today, I felt I wanted to present the secrets to my family and see if they are all ok.  I have been strong and protective of them too, not wanting them to have to remember where they are possibly affected too.  I grieve the loss of my eldest daughter and wonder what really took her from me. 

I feel the intensity of wanting to run but for me there is nowhere to go.  My car is useless and I can't go driving and singing with the stereo way up loud as I used to.  I don't want to take drugs or drink alcohol.  I don't want to seek to satisfy my hunger.  I chose to go inwards and 'be'.

I chose to face what is there and sincerely desire that more people would do that, so we may all heal and move on.  Even though great inroads have been made to stop paedophilia, incest and Satanic ritual abuse, we're not clear yet.  It's a problem we all can help heal even if it hasn't touched you, you can help keep children safe, people alive and communities coming from a place of care.

We're certainly not clear of the pain of it and I am not clear on how I now move forward from it in a healthy way.  I just know that each day, my greatest love, this planet that we call Earth will advise me on what I need to know in each now moment. She's really good like that!  Nature is my sanity.  It's tangible.  It is love and illusion and fakery is not. 

May we release all these secrets, heal all the pain and do all that we can to make this world a better place now - and so it is!!!

​

NOW is the time to really pay attention to our thoughts and our words and where they are coming from.  I'm paying extra special attention to what I write and talk about.  I have been enCOURAGEd by a few good friends to reframe some of my statements.  I am choosing to give attention to only what I feel blesses my life NOW and all of creation, to the best of my ability. 

The old is gone and a bright new future is calling itself forth.  The future is called from the thoughts that we NOW each generate.  The thoughts generated from the power of our heart hold an extra high frequency that may powerfully deliver a future that matches.  It is time to live a new story and birth ourselves into a new beginning.  How would you like that to be?  

Many of us have been diligently learning, growing, healing trauma from the past and as we did we were preparing ourselves for this NOW moment.  HEALth begins with us.  Our thoughts are symptoms of what may need to be reSOLVEd.  As we catch them, we may reframe and adjust them so we may create the desires of our hearts.

As peace, freedom and love come from our hearts, it naturally aligns with the divine will of the creator.  Great spirit, Father Sky, Earth Mother, whatever we call our source, graciously gives to us what we create.  We have been enTRUSTed with it.  We have the opportunity to MASTER ourselves as we recognise the output of our thoughts.  

Our thoughts take form, so what do you desire to bring into form?  As our thoughts come through us from a grounded place, they may create more pure forms.  All may pass through the entire energy systems of our physical human being.  

Unwanted thought forms may be transmuted with love into new forms that we prefer and that keep our fields in a more pristine condition.  This naturally blesses all of creation.  We are all uncompromisingly 100% valuable.  We all contribute to creation.

May we birth forward the highest expressions of ourselves as energy flows through our entire being, passing through the heart from the grouding of our being to the mind - and so it is

We are self healers as we claim our power to seek and choose how we heal.  This I learned in my process of healing the three different kinds of cancer that once were invading my body.  They invaded my body to teach me and I became their student and learned the valuable lessons that they taught me.

Our society is largely always seeking and looking outside of ourselves for our answers.  However, all our answers may be found from within.  Meditation and accessing guidance through conscious breathing gave me the answers I needed to survive.  It also helped me to deal with the crazy amount of advice people tried to give me.  I feel that the advice came through their own fear.

To tell another what to do or how to be is disempowering to me.  We may suggest and encourage.  As a retreat facilitator, I worked in helping people find themselves and connect with their guidance for their healing.  It's a bit like teaching someone how to fish, rather than giving them a fish that is only going to last a day.

Or course, I went through layers of fear as I healed.  It was natural and part of the process.  In the calmness of meditation and nature connection, however, answers were peacefully delivered and I followed them and am alive today to tell the story.  One of my answers was to study traditional herbal medicine.  I then applied it to myself successfully.

As we evolve, we are presented with many opportunities to whole, to heal, to complete and live infinitely into who we are.  This year the Mayan Aztec sacred count that is innate within me, also activated great healing and took me off deaths doorstep on many occasions.

What I am finding now though is that people seem to misunderstand when I share of myself and my processes.  I find no need to hurry any of it.  I still have work to do and we all do. We are conditioned that we reach this magical point of full completion, but then what?  Self discovery is infinite and an adventure to me.

We all see through through the filters of our cultures, traditions and conditioning, so as I write this, some will see that I have had cancer and disease and may become overly concerned, perhaps still wanting to give me advice and refer to things outside of myself.

Others will be able to connect to the deeper message, that we may access all within, in peace and nature connection.  My Mayan destiny sign is Deer.  Deer is a self healer who finds its remedies as it nibbles on different plants that it is naturally attracted to.  Deer roams and finds what he or she needs to heal.  The mind is calm and the heart is open.

The sacred count is based upon time and nature and not astrology as many people assume.  It is innate within me and now I know that the sacred knowledge that it holds has been with me all of my life.  Only in nature, did I find my way to keep perservering in this life against great odds.

So, I write today to help connect all those who resonate, to seek their answers from within, to be still in the grace and unconditional love of nature for a time, to reflect and find guidance for self healing, or to just play with it a little and build confidence, whatever you choose to do, because it is you that has the power that may be kept sacred and not given away.

Let's allow ourselves to grow in peace, nature, balance and harmony.  This way we uplift all of creation and connect to the happiness and joy that is possible within, even in the face of great adversity.

​Immense love to you all - so it is.

There are many aspects to health and wellbeing. One of them is healthy communication.  To come to know what healthy communication is, we come to know what healthy communication is not.  So, I have this topic I am integrating as I write and share today.

Lying is one of the greatest destroyers I know.  It means that when we do tell the truth and it's about an important issue that needs to be heard, it cannot be heard by so many because of the filters that have overlaid the essence of the truth.

It can add insult to injury as we grapple with big topics like genocide, abuse, bullying and other scenarios where power is held over another.  It's time to break through the bullshit and hold each others hearts tenderly now, so we as people, communities and beyond can heal.

I have a tendency to believe the best in people.  I have an initial intuition when people are lying to me and then it has been quickly whipped away by my naive refusal to believe that someone is lying to me.  This is because I find it extremely hurtful and do not want to believe that another is taking power, or using me to gain energy for themselves.

I've got to get sharper at it.  I am feeling grief today, trying to be grown up about it and working out who I can and cannot trust.  Many people come into our lives.  After a life of too much abuse, my way out is to really grow up now and become far more discerning.

I've been a lone wolf in life, even in marriage and with partners.  Recently I have been seeking my tribe, trying to work out who is trustworthy and who is not.  Lying is one of the greatest insults and a subtle form of bullying and I really don't like coming up against it.

I went to a party yesterday of really lovely people and became really tired and had to leave early.  I realised that it was because of a hyper alertness I still have about talking my truth to others in conversation and hearing theirs and a bit of fear of being burned if dishonesty were to creep in. 

My happiest moments were holding a baby and talking to the children.  I also had some encouraging conversations with a few.  There are wonderful people in my community who have their hearts wide open to being the change needed in this world.  These are the ones I love to be around.  Unfortunately there are still those who seek to take energy and will use dishonesty as a tool to do so. 

It's part of the old agenda of divide and conquer.  I have no interest in it.  I do my best to always stay in truth.  It is a principle of 'do no harm'.  We all make mistakes.  We are all learning and growing.  Let's remain in truth with one another, as this an aspect of unconditional love. 

​I desire to live in this reality and I will, as I learn and cull out the weeds of lying others from my life.  It may sound tough and there is space for resolution with some, but from now on my choice is to take a solid stand that supports the new era I have chosen to live in - and so it is

What I learned from my experiences with white tail spider bites.

The first white tail spider bite I had was in August 2017, as I was squeezing oranges.  Red whelts started to appear very quickly on my hand and up my forearm from the site of the bite, which was on the top side of my right wrist.

There seems to be a fair bit of disinformation around about the bites.  For some, it can cause harm.  From what I know, it is not the actual white tail spider that is poisonous.  It is what it eats that is poisonous to some humans.  Here in Aotearoa, they eat the Daddy long legs spiders which then makes a white tail spider's bite toxic. 

At the time that I was bitten, I had some chronic health issues that I was having difficulty healing.  This would have meant that my immunity was not great.  The first thing I did was spray a weak solution of hydrogen peroxide on it (3.5%).  It foamed and fizzed and I went on a hunt for kawakawa leaves, a native plant of Aotearoa, known for it's anti-microbial properties.

It took me a while to find a bush. Once I had, I chewed the leaf and applied the chewed leaf with my saliva over it.  I then used kawakawa leaves that had been steeped in boiling water to help draw out the toxins from the bite.  The underside of the leaf is used for this purpose.  

The next day I felt very ill and could not get out of bed, even for a drink of water. I rode out the symptoms, drifting into sleep and having a series of random chaotic visions.  After a few hours, I managed to get up and get water and food.  I made kawakawa tea over the next few days and sipped it throughout each day.

I don't believe I did enough, soon enough to stop the effects of the bite harming my body.  Flesh decayed at the site of the bite and it was only a few days later, that I used raw manuka honey on it.  It began to heal quickly then.  However I was left with joint pain which indicates to me that my body had a higher level of inflammation than before.

The second bite was in August 2018.  This time, my body was in serious condition.  I had been hospitalised earlier in the year and struck down with what the doctors called viremia (multiple viruses).  A hair analysis with bio feedback showed that a diverticulitis pocket in my intestines had spilled it contents.  There were infections in my brain, lungs, kidneys and intestines as well.

During the year, I had positive medical results for parvovirus, shiga-toxin forming E-coli, anaemia, a repairing lung infection, and later the shingles virus and a dodgy liver.  So, as you can see, I was not in great shape. My health was pretty perilous in truth, so I feared that a white tail spiders bite may just finish me off.

As soon as I felt the bite, I sprayed on a weak solution of hydrogen peroxide, went out to the garden and immediately chewed a kawakawa leaf and then applied it with raw manuka honey.  I drank kawakawa tea throughout the day for a couple of days to help heal any rotting nasty stuff that could have come from the bite.  There was still a little bit of rotting flesh, but I didn't notice further deterioration in my health at the time.

The third time was a near miss.  This time I was still very ill and a white tail spider raised up it's tail and went in for the charge to jump on me and bite.  At the time, I already had kawakawa leaves boiling in a pot and I managed to catch the spider and drown it in the sink.  

I reckon it would be helpful to have a weak solution of hydrogen peroxide (3 - 3.5%) on hand just in case.  I use it to wash some fruits (if fumigated) and vegetables if I am not sure they are spray free.  Also, keeping some raw and active manuka honey on hand really helps.  I am very fortunate to have many kawakawa bushes growing on the land where I am flatting at present.  

Now I have made my own organic kawakawa healing balm, which would also help along with an application of manuka honey.