Day seven of the Star trecena is a time of reflection into the light of the day and the darkness of night, the past and the future, the dark and the light. It is a time to be honest and investigate what is, in the energy of Jaguar, a shaman who seeks solitude and to integrate, which ultimately attracts harmony and balance into life.
The shamanic journey is not for the faint of heart. It is the heart that sees the shaman through the darkest depths, the deepest recesses of the psyche where the greatest healing is done without maps, compasses or guides, just the solitary experience of facing ones own experiences with integrity.
When one seeks their own mastery or sovereignty, they are faced with themselves and have to plummet the depths of the darkest nights to return into something new. Traditionally for the Maya, plant medicine has been used in a sacred manner.
In the western world, generally, there is a lack of appreciation for the power of medicines and an immaturity of mind due to being socialised into materialism, gaining the latest gadgets and seeking after pleasures, without the balance of facing the self in it's entirety. As I see it, the experience then will not bring forth the growth that is potential there when the experience is sought in the sacred manner that the Maya knew from ancient times.
Meditation is all that is needed for the shamanic experience and an honest quest to bring the fragmented and traumatised self back into one. This year so far has been a shamanic journey for those who have been dedicated to seek to master themselves.
I hold myself in my own arms now, birthing myself anew, facing anguish, despair, the comfortlessness of the night in my own pure consciousness, unaffected by medicines of any nature that once gave me enough relief to pass through the worst of the journey, when my body was wracked with pain and my inflammation markers were through the roof. It was put on hold and so often, I feel I now that I want to hold back the night.
The night comes and I face it. I sit in solitude through endless layers of discomfort with nowhere to go, nothing to do and allowing time and space to be, as I consciously have to avoid succumbing to making myself busy to avoid it and burn myself out in desperation not to feel, to avoid, to run from myself and avoid the pain. I see the value in it now.
When I was hopelessly lost, I was dependent on the arms of others to hold me. I felt like a little girl. I compromised and lost myself in the seeking of this comfort. Now I know that only when I have mastered the full extent of this human experience and love myself enough to heal it all, that then the true and pure songs of my heart may come forth and sing in freedom and give of themselves.
Only then will I be complete and fully sovereign and have mastered myself. When my heart is filled with trust because I trust myself enough to trust others, then I may love without expectation and without conditions and be free.
I have had numerous opportunities to die in this life. It is the building of a shaman, but I won't call myself one as I don't need a label to define who I am. I kept myself alive actively, reaffirming my life urge many times.
It is source connection that speaks to me through nature and reassures me that all is well , that life is worth living and that my dreams are fulfilling, that my tribe is gathering and that my words will become like a song that mirrors the harmony and balance of the stars.
I WILL come to know safety and comfort in the night. It will be a new experience for me as I do. This is just the beginning of my dream unfolding. The fragments of my soul present as sharp as painful, with purpose to awaken me to my true self. The magic is in the mending, the merging and the meeting of it all, as it heals from this great shamanic journey and I find home and security within me.
I have grown and I won't simply allow myself to fall into the arms of another until I find comfort in the night on my own because when I do, it will come from complete love of myself that creates the ability to completely love another. When I do, only then am I through and only then am I truly free and sovereign from the experience of mastering myself.
Only then can I be a true and full expression of pure and essential self and experience the mysteries of magic flowing through me in entirety. This is the ecstasy of freedom that is birthing as we each hold our selves in our own arms to pass through the experiences of the old ways and burst forth into new beginnings, to flower and express joy.
It is time. We are the ones we have been waiting for to come and master ourselves. This is a true shamanic quest, to face the self, by oneself and it is a path that few will tread. This year so far has been that grand opportunity, as for me it takes place in oneness with Pachamama (Earth Mother). I am with her on her journey and I am grateful for all of you who choose this path - and so it is
Thank you for giving. In lak'ech.
Poppy Joy - 10 Cauac (Rainstorm) in the sacred Aztec Mayan count
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